Adorable Whining

What assumptions do people make about you?

“You’re so cute.” “You don’t look like the kind of person who’d curse.” “You have a young voice.”

I’ve heard those a lot, and I hate them. I’m not saying that people are wrong about these perceptions. I don’t curse. I talk like a distressed dog toy. Sometimes it just feels demeaning. That's what people feel the need to comment on, that’s what they notice about me. I recognize, consciously, that it's meant as a compliment, but every time I hear the words, I want to jump up to defend my skills and my experience.

A few weeks ago, I was working in the Flying Monkey Cafe. I was hesitantly pushing some water bottles across the counter towards a customer. I was new in this particular role, so I was timid because I had no clue what the procedures were. They laughed at me, obviously. What I was doing was funny, after all. Objectively, pushing the water slowly across the counter instead of placing it in a hand. That’s unexpected and absurd. But then Cathy punctuated it with an “isn’t she cute?”

Ma’am?! Excuse me?! That is a statement reserved for puppies, kittens, and children who can’t form full sentences. I am not cute. At least, not in a way that you have to tell someone else that I’m cute while I’m standing right there, like I won’t comprehend what you mean if you tell it right to my face. Like I’m too busy in my own little child world to understand that you’re talking about my little entertaining quirks to your much smarter friend.

Little. I associate the word cute with little. I feel that if you’re calling me cute, you’re calling me little. Young. Inexperienced. And then there are the other conditions you can extend from that. I’m weak. Small. Incapable. Every time someone calls me “cute” or “innocent” or some variation, it feels like they are spelling out all of the ways I am inadequate. I want to jump up and scream that I am 17, practically an adult, able to drive, hold a job, and (come November) vote. But then I’m just proving them right. Because that’s a child’s response. A child who desperately needs to prove that she has a place in the adult world.

Maybe I am cute. I know this is a ridiculous thing to complain about. But I’m not alone in this sentiment.

I recently saw a poem about this topic on instagram reels. The girl in the video was voicing all the complaints I have about feeling underestimated, undesirable. She says she feels like a puppy, or a piece of clothing that was nice enough to try on but not nice enough to take home. Not like a fully capable human being. And lots of the comments under said video were so dismissive, saying that she’s just whining about receiving compliments. I know that’s what we, she and I, are doing. But some comments were empathetic as well. Other people feel the same way about the word “cute,” so I also know my reaction is not completely unfounded. There’s comfort in knowing I’m not alone in this.

I think the skeptical comments are right, too. It’s such a small thing to be upset about. But I am. It's my own biases projected onto the words of others that are turning compliments into snide comments about my worthiness.

I don’t like being condescended. I assume you also don’t like being condescended. I don’t like feeling like I’m thought of as less because of characteristics outside of my control. But then, that’s not really what people are trying to say if they call me “cute.” They’re observing. I’m projecting all these feelings of inadequacy onto that observation.

Ultimately, I think it’s my problem to deal with. These reactions are mine, and I can’t demand people stop calling me something that I am because I associate it with negative traits. I just need to recognize the many positive connotations of “cute” and embrace those. I’m stuck with it, so its best not to dwell on what I hate about it.